Fangirling

Guys, I have a problem. Now, this isn't your average crack-cocaine addiction we're dealing with here. I am addicted to the Internet.

You're probably thinking, "What the hell is she saying that for? This isn't news!" Well, it kind-of is, actually, because I don't even have time to blog. I've been taking up all my blogging time with...

Dun-dun-DUNNN

YouTube.

So much so, even, that I have considered making my own videos. I have actually tried on several occasions, which is not to say that my own self-doubt kept me from being successful. This calls for an embarrassing back-story.

Long, long ago, like four years ago, I decided I wanted to be internet-famous. I was already watching YouTube videos then, and it got me inspired, so I called upon my partner in crime, Darian, to help me. We thought of the BEST IDEA EVER and called it "The Christmas Show", because Overlord Christmas was my name, and is now hidden away deep inside me as my bitchy alter-ego. Anyway, we made stupid videos with Darian's Flip camera, put them on the internet and actually thought we were hilarious. We didn't understand why we weren't getting any views. Then we got our first comment on a video of me: "are u a boy or a girl".

People always say that you can get 1,000 positive comments saying how good you are, but you always get that one negative comment that can lower your self-esteem by 110% and make you never ever want to show your face to the world again. That is extremely true. In fact, that comment is still planted in my brain and makes me wish I had never gotten my hands on that stupid freaking camera in the first place. Needless to say, I deleted the entire account. None of those videos exist anymore.

Years later, like three years later, Darian and I were reminiscing about how horrible those videos were, and we decided to start making videos again. So we got together and had this whole plan and we made a video. It was actually pretty good this time, but a lot of things went wrong. I only had a crappy little laptop that could not handle the super HD-ness of my video camera, so I couldn't edit, and we could never see each other every week to put out videos. I edited it on my dad's computer anyway and uploaded it. It sat there for a few months, only getting 6 views in total and no subscribers, so I deleted that whole account again and tried to make a different one.

We got together about six months later and tried to do a different video. We couldn't get a good angle and decided it wasn't meant to be. We also couldn't think of a good name that wasn't taken, so we gave up.

As you can see, it's extremely difficult to create. You always are either not good enough or think you're not good enough, and both of those can have the same amount of weight. If anybody has any advice on this subject, it would be greatly appreciated.

That's about it. I probably could rant about Advanced Placement, but... meh.